I welcome myself to the world wide web

Well, what do we have here. My fist blog, that’s what it is. My first thought….are people going to be mean to me if I make a grammatical or spelling error? Because I can tell you right now that those areas are not my strong points. What a disappointment I must be to my parents, a former teacher and a man who eats the NY Times crossword puzzle for lunch. Interesting tidbit….in the previous sentence it took me three tries to spell puzzle correctly even with the use of spell check.

As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, I am a fat guy who lives in New Orleans, LA. But in New Orleans fat guys are a dime a dozen (or dime a ton, to be more accurate) so interesting stories, unique experiences or thoughtful insights about being a fat guy in New Orleans probably won’t be coming any time soon.

What I will do on this blog is give you, the reader, a peek into the seamy underside of the life of a fat guy in New Orleans. Come to think of it, being a fat guy in the heat and humidity of New Orleans, I have a lot of seamy undersides. On that note, just a word to the non-fats out their, fat guys sweat. My front sweats, my back sweats, my top and bottom sweat. Just because I am sweaty and red faced doesn’t mean you non-fats have to constantly say “are you okay? Can I get you a glass of water?” I am doing just fine….and make that a chocolate milk….half gallon size please…..whole gallon.

Alright, I got a little off track for a moment there, but this blog will be about all (some) of my experiences, fat and non-fat alike. Quick example….this past Friday I was in a meeting at work with my boss and co-worker and the chair I was sitting in kept making all sorts of cracking and groaning sounds. Now my chair confidence ratio in this particular chair was pretty high but, along with focusing on what was going on in the meeting, I had to keep in my mind on the chair. Any sort of bending of the frame or buckling of the cushion, and I would have to react like a cat.

I’m sorry, but I just threw out a fat guy term that some of you nons may not be familiar with; chair confidence ratio. The concept of chair confidence ratio is simple…as a fat guy, is that chair going to keep me supported and comfortable for the duration of my seated experience or is the chair likely to fail under the strain of my largess (I know that is not a proper usage of the term largess, but, please, let me have this one). Now, let me give you a couple of quick guidelines to asses a chairs confidence ratio. Let’s start with construction material. Is the chair made of metal? If so, you’re off to a good start. Wood? It depends. Is it made of hearty slabs of hardwood or are the legs pretty thin and the seat area just has thin supports for cheek retention. And I can tell you right now, any chair that derives any structural support from wicker or cloth is a death trap for a fat guy. I will addresses chairs with arms another day, but I can tell you this, even if you have a high chair confidence ratio in a particular chair, it can all be foiled by your inability to even fit in said chair. And that leaves one of the most dreaded options for a fat guy, standing.

Well, I guess that is enough info for my fist post. To all of you fat guys out there, stay strong (and/or fat).